Have you ever been terrified of something or someone that wasn’t actually there? Have you ever been in a scary situation that was actually harmless but you created it in your head? I have been terrified of fellow classmates inside elevators. I have locked myself inside of my bathroom until my mom came home because I thought someone was in the house. I have woken up from panic because I thought I could sense someone was about to rape me. PTSD they labeled me. Prescribed medication to help me sleep. You see by the time stamp on this post that the meds are working well.
Have you ever smelt alcohol on someone’s breath and you travel through time to when you were abused? Reliving it from beginning to end without any way of stopping it. Has anyone ever accidentally touched you in some way that makes you have a panic attack? I always found it interesting that when it happened I couldn’t scream and I could barely talk. But when I’m in a flash back my voice is fine. I find it interesting that even when I wake up at night, I never scream but I know I am in panic. Even now I am obedient,”Shh, go back to bed.” With one whisper replaying in my mind, I still don’t fight.
I don’t need to fight anymore. I need to live.